Hypocrite
by ohcurliehair
Summary: Wow, you are a hypocrite Cal.' Was supposed to be a Cal/Gillian one-shot but then I started to write...and we all know what happens then
1. Chapter 1

This is just a random little one-shot I wrote. It doesn't really fit in anywhere in the series but after Fold Equity it got me thinking about what would happen if Gillian got sick of forgiving Cal and sick of being the responsible one. Reviews are always love. Don't own Lie to Me.

***

He'd gotten the call at 11 at night. Gillian was drunk. Really drunk. And for some reason one of her friends thought he was the best person to call. Something about Gillian trusting him. The friend was concerned. Gillian had been upset about something, and the friend had just received a drunken phone call from her inviting her out. But when she had turned her down, Gillian had refused to tell her where she was. So now Cal was out, trawling through all the clubs, trying to find Gillian. He wondered what was wrong. This wasn't how Gillian usually behaved. She was always the responsible one, the one who everyone called when they were in trouble or when they needed someone to clean up their mess. Hell, she was the one _he_ would call whenever he was feeling down, whenever he had had a fight with Zoe, whenever he was drunk and felt the incredible urge to do something stupid. The thought 'I hope it's not me,' popped into his head. He immediately chastised himself. How selfish of him. Like he had that kind of power over her, to make the usually responsible Gillian get completely drunk and go out partying. He shook his head. 'Just keep searching,' he thought, getting more and more concerned as the minutes ticked by.

***

It was 1am before Cal reached the club on the outskirts of town, where he finally found Gillian. He walked through the entrance to be greeted by hundreds of sweaty, dancing people. While this was the last place he wanted to be on a Saturday night, the thought of Gillian alone, in a place like this, was enough incentive for him to push his own feelings aside.

And there she was.

Gillian dancing on a podium, above everyone else, completely intoxicated. And looking so damn hot it was hard for Cal to breathe. She was wearing this little red number that was usually the kind of thing that Gillian would refuse to wear. 'I'm not 20 again,' she would laugh whenever someone would mention how she could pull off a dress like that. However tonight, the rules had clearly changed.

He fought his way through the crowd just in time to see her climb down and start dancing with this much younger man. 'No, boy,' thought Cal disgusted. He had to save her, save her from the alcohol, the lights, the music. And save her from making the same mistake he had made so many times before. She was too fragile, too pure to be in a situation like this. He pushed his way through the throng of people, finally reaching Gillian.

'Gillian, what are you doing? Time to go.'

Gillian turned around and a look of surprise registered on her face.

'Cal. What are you doing here?'

'Saving you clearly.'

He grabbed her arm, trying to get her to follow him.

'Get off me Cal. You're not in charge of me. In fact I do believe you're doing something that I'm supposedly familiar with. You're smothering Cal.'

She turned back to the younger man and continued to dance. Cal sighed.

'Please Gill. You're friends are worried. I'm worried. Let's just go home.' His eyes pleaded with hers.

She turned around, a look of disgust on her face.

'Wow, you are a hypocrite Cal. You're allowed to go out and get drunk, allowed to sleep with whoever you want, regardless of the consequences. But I can't even go out for one night and have a good time? Well fine. Thanks for ruining my evening.'

She stormed out of the club, looking to hail a taxi.

'Gillian, wait up. I can give you a lift home.'

She turned to see him jogging slowly towards her. She had begun shivering, it was cold outside. Cal removed his jacket and placed it around her shoulders.

She looked at him fiercely and shrugged off the jacket.

'Cal, why do you always do this? I can't be around you.'

She turned and walked away, leaving Cal standing there helpless, wondering what had just happened.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, sorry I took so long to upload the next chapter, I was away on holiday. This was only supposed to be a one-shot but everyone posted such lovely reviews that I had to give in to peer pressure :) Just a small warning, this chapter is a little dark so please don't expect this story to be the Callian fluffiness I usually write. All of it is a flashback except for the first paragraph. That being said, please read and review (you know how much i love them). I don't own Lie to Me.

***

She sits alone on her bed, the headache slowly starting to invade her skull. Every year. This one day every year she falls apart. Usually she's better at hiding it than this. Usually sitting at home in the dark with her twelfth glass of wine is enough. But for some reason this time it wasn't. So she went out, which was a bad idea in the first place. But then she had to make that one stupid phone call. She knew she was really drunk at the time, incoherent really. But that phone call to her friend was a mistake. And she paid for that one mistake dearly. The one person she didn't want to see, the man she had avoided all day, had come to her rescue. For her that was like adding fuel to her already burning anger and sadness. So she exploded. And man, it felt good. All those emotions she felt came tumbling out, were thrown back at the one man she actually cared for. Plus, he deserved it. She knew her logic was twisted. Causing pain to the one she loved. But that pretty much summed up most her life. Full of her analysing others' issues while secretly hiding her own, which were much larger than she would let anyone know. Sure, they knew about Alec and Sophie. But that was only part of a much bigger picture, the tip of the iceberg. She lies down and closes her eyes. She knows it will all come flooding back but is too tired to care.

***

The keys rattled in the lock as she opened the front door to her dorm.

'Brian?' she called out, wondering why the house seemed so silent. She placed the keys on the coffee table and rubbed her belly. All day it had been kicking something chronic. For something so small it sure managed to pack a mighty punch.

'Honey, where are you? I'm exhausted after my morning classes and work. Do you just want to grab takeaway for dinner?'

Still no answer. She frowned. Something was wrong. He had been having a hard time lately, she knew that. He often got home and took out all his stress on her, which had put a strain on their relationship. But he was her boyfriend and the father of her baby. And as much as she found it hard to bite her tongue sometimes, she did it, for all their sakes. Her's, Brian's and their beautiful baby.

She walked towards the bedroom, wondering if maybe he had fallen asleep. She took note of his keys and jacket resting on the kitchen bench. He was definitely home.

The bedroom door was closed, so she knocked. No answer. She knocked once more before turning the door handle and stepping into the room. No one was there. She turned to walk out the room when she heard a thumping noise in the bathroom.

'Brian?' she called out once more, immediately on guard. If he wasn't home, someone else was definitely there. She looked around for something to defend herself, eventually picking up an umbrella. She shook her head. How ridiculous. What, she was going to club the intruder to death with an umbrella? She took a step closer to the bathroom door but stopped. Maybe she should wait for Brian to come home. The silence was deafening. She decided that she couldn't wait any longer. She took a few more steps, eventually reaching the bathroom door. She slowly turned the handle and peered inside, ready to attach if need. But what she found was far from what she thought she would. She let out a blood curdling scream.

'BRRRIANNNN.'

She rushed over to his limp body, a pool of blood slowly spreading over the tiles. It took her a second to notice the gun he was holding in his right hand. This had been no accident. There had been no intruder. She stood up and took a step away from his body, continuing to sob. 'How could he do this to us?' she thought, 'How could he leave us like this?'

She was covered in blood as she walked over to the phone to call an ambulance. There was nothing else she could do.

***

She stood and watched the flurry of activity around her. Ambulance officers, police, family, friends. Asking questions, making comforting statements, trying to support her, letting her know it will all be ok. All she wanted was for all of them to disappear, but it was late into the night before they finally left.

She walked past the bathroom and peered in. She didn't know why but she supposed it was morbid curiosity. Even though the tiles had been scrubbed, there was a stain where the puddle of blood had been.

***

The crippling pain began a little before midnight. She knew immediately something was wrong when she brought her hand up to her stomach the first time. It was all over after a couple of hours. That night, not only did she lose the man she loved but also the only other thing left in her world that mattered.


	3. Chapter 3

I apologise to anyone who was a little surprised or shocked by the last chapter. I know it was a little full on but I didn't want Gillian to be upset for some mundane reason. This next chapter is kind of a set up for the following one. I'm having a little trouble getting the characters right (and not too far off who they truly are) considering I never imagined writing more than one chapter. As usual reviews are appreciated and loved :) Don't own Lie To Me.

***

He peered into her empty office for what must have been the thirtieth time that morning.

'Where the hell is she?' Cal thought.

It wasn't like her to be so late to work. She was usually the first in and the last to leave. Besides himself of course.

'Mind you, she's been doing a lot of things lately which aren't like her,' he thought to himself.

He cast his mind back to last night, Gillian dancing in that club, the screaming match they had gotten into.

Cal erased that last part of his thought. 'Correction, the screaming match she had at you.'

It wasn't like her to be so sensitive. Not that he had ever been in the situation before where he had had to save Gillian from herself. He sighed as he entered her office and walked over to her desk. A diary caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. His hand twitched towards it. Maybe she had something to do today, an early morning meeting perhaps? He shook his head and stepped back. To read her schedule would be an invasion of her privacy and would _definitely_ be crossing that line. But curiosity got the better of him and in one swift motion he picked it up and flicked to the current week. Nothing planned. A small star placed next to yesterday's date caught his eye. There was nothing else written in the small box marked April 2nd but that small blue star definitely marked that day for something. The only question was what.

'What the hell are you doing Cal Lightman?'

He hadn't heard her walk in, he was too caught up in his own thoughts. 'A downfall of mine unfortunately,' he thought with a humourless chuckle. He cleared his throat.

***

She groaned as she pushed open the door to the Lightman Group. Even the squeal of the door opening amplified the pounding in her head. Waking up this morning had been hell. She had pressed snooze about 20 times before she realised that if she didn't get up now, she was going to be late. And she was not going to give Cal Lightman that satisfaction. So she had gotten up, showered, dressed, attempted to stomach breakfast and walked out her front door. As she drove to work she tried to think of anything other than last night. She gave up on trying to block her own thoughts and cranked up the radio, relieved to hear that some loud screamo song she had never heard of before was playing. Usually she hated that kind of music but she knew she couldn't do anything with that awful sound playing, let alone think.

Arriving at the Lightman Group, she parked and climbed out of the car, catching her reflection in the window. Checking to make sure she had remembered to put on clothes that morning, she smoothed down the last of the wrinkles. The last thing she needed was that humiliating dream becoming a reality. She was relieved to find that at least she looked relatively similar to the usually organised and immaculate Gillian she was on every other day.

As she walked through the halls of the Lightman Group she already couldn't wait for the day to end. She reached her office and saw the distorted appearance of someone through the glass door. She frowned. No one should be in her office. She pushed open the door to see the one person she hoped she wouldn't.

'What the hell are you doing Cal Lightman?'

He clearly hadn't heard her walk in; he was too caught up in his own thoughts. But she wasn't going to let this one go. First last night, and now today. She was done letting him meddle in her life.

***

'Just curious to why you're so late love. I was concerned. Thought perhaps your schedule might shed some light.'

'So let me get this straight,' she started as she strode over to him.

He looked up, making eye contact with her. 'Damn she had recovered from that hangover haze incredibly quickly,' he thought to himself.

'You just thought you would walk into _my_ office, over to _my_ desk, open _my_ diary and read _my_ personal schedule. And what Cal, you see nothing wrong with that?'

He tried to formulate a response that was witty and sarcastic. Use his dry humour like he usually did in a situation like this. But for once, his brain failed him.

***

She could tell he was having trouble formulating words. And she was glad. This wasn't just one of those times where he could use his charm on her and she would forgive him. This was an invasion of her privacy. And it was crossing the line.

***

He saw the look of anger on her face. She wasn't even bothering trying to compose herself or hide it. He also saw something else pass over it. Disgust. She was disgusted in him. And she had every right to be. He was disgusted in himself. How dare he just stride into her office and read her schedule?

'Gill, love, I'm so sorry, I know I...'

She didn't give him time to finish.

'Don't even try to justify yourself. Just get out of my office. I don't want to see your face for the rest of the day. Need to tell me something? Get someone else to pass it on.'

'That's a little juvenile don't you think?'

Wrong thing to say. He saw it the moment those words passed out of his mouth. He wanted to reach out and pluck them from the air. Too late. Why didn't he ever think before he spoke?

She straightened her back, taking those last few steps to close the difference between them and snatched the diary out of his hands.

'Get. out. of. my. office,' was her response, her voice laced with venom.

He didn't argue. This time retreating was definitely the best option.


	4. Chapter 4

This chapter is a bit longer than the others but it wasn't until I finished writing that I realised how much I had actually written :) Thanks to all those who have reviewed so far. I appreciate it :) Don't own Lie to Me (but I can always pretend)

***

She stared into space, a cup of hot cocoa in her hand. The TV was on but she wasn't watching it, it was background noise really. Had she really overreacted? She knew that it had been a long two days. An emotional two days. But did she really have the right to yell at Cal like that? Everything she had done the past two days she doubted. Whether it had been right to go out that one night, whether she should have screamed at Cal like that, whether she should have even gone to work. She knew she needed to put the past in the past but it was difficult. It still ate her up inside, every time she thought about it. Which wasn't always. But occasionally she would see a husband and wife together, or a young girl around the same age as her beautiful baby would have been. And she can't help but think back. To what could have been. To what should have been. Her eyes flickered back over to the photo which was face down on her coffee table. She didn't have the strength to pick it up. Even though it was only a thin, flimsy piece of paper she felt like it carried more weight than a tonne of bricks. The door bell ringing interrupted her thoughts.

***

He stood outside her door pacing back and forth. He went to ring the bell for the third time but pulled his hand away at the last minute. 'Damn it,' he thought 'why can't I just be a man?'

He knew why. He was frightened of upsetting her any further. And if he admitted it to himself, as selfish as it was, he was frightened of the effect that her anger would have on him again. He hated to see her upset at him. It would eat him up inside. But the curiosity of knowing what was wrong was stronger. She deserved to know that someone was there for her, was willing to listen when she was ready. Cal took a step towards the door and finally rung the bell.

***

Gillian slowly walked over to the door and opened it, just an inch. She really didn't feel like company but didn't want to be rude by not answering.

'Gill love, it's me.'

She recognised the voice instantly. Of course it's him. He never learnt the true meaning of the word no.

'Cal, please, not tonight. Just go away.'

'No can do love.' He pushed open the door, surprising her, forcing her to take a step backwards. Taking advantage of her moment of weakness, he squeezed through the slightly larger gap and held out a plastic bag in his hand.

He grinned. 'Peace offering.'

She could smell the scent of the chocolate pudding wafting from the bag. Damn it, he knew her well. Even in moments like these, she couldn't resist chocolate pudding.

'Fine, come in. But no talking and no analysing. I'm just eating your pudding and then you're leaving.'

***

He sat on her couch, just inches away from her. He wanted to say something but felt like she should be the first to speak. She took the last spoonful of pudding out of the container and placed it in her mouth. Once she was finished she placed the spoon inside and closed the lid.

'Ok, you can leave now.'

He looked up at her with pleading eyes.

'Please Gill, just say something...other than that I mean.'

She had never seen that look on his face before. Pleading with her. He was always analysing, wondering, probing, asking, but never pleading. She sat down again, feeling deflated. Her eyes drift over to the photo on the coffee table. The glance didn't go unnoticed. She watched as he hesitantly reached over and picked up the photo, one eye on her the whole time. He turned it over and surprise registered on his face.

Gillian. Pregnant, standing next to a young man he'd never seen before.

'It was a long time ago, 10 years to be exact,' came a tiny whisper from Gillian. It was as if she didn't have the strength to say it any louder.

He looked up at her, waiting. Not pushing for her to explain, but ready for when she did.

She sighed. There was no going back.

'It was first year of college. He had been my boyfriend for 2 years already when I fell...' she swallowed hard, 'pregnant. We were both so young, but so happy and in love. It was a blessing and we were both willing and ready to take on the challenge.'

She paused, trying to formulate the right words.

'And then one day...' He could see the tears well up in her eyes. He went to reach for her but she flinched away.

'I knew something was wrong. It had been wrong for months. I just didn't know what. And I didn't want to probe, so I just left it. I figured it was just a phase. He was stressed, study, work, the baby was only months away. It was just another day. I came home exhausted and when I couldn't find him I started to worry. There was a sound in the bathroom, I went to investigate. And there he was.'

She saw the curiosity burning in Cal's eyes and knew she just had to get it out.

'He was dead, had killed himself. Apparently he had been seeing a psychiatrist for weeks; I found medication in his drawer for depression. I just never knew.'

He saw the sadness in her eyes, the weight that she was carrying on her shoulders. She felt partly to blame, he could see that.

'And then, if that wasn't enough, later that night...' She let out a strangled sob and the floodgates open. She hated to let him see her like this, weak and vulnerable. But she didn't have the strength to fight anymore.

***

He had to know, had to ask.

'You lost the baby didn't you?'

It was more of a statement than a question.

Her hair was covering her face but he could make out a nod. It felt like a punch in the guts to him. She had been happy at one point. Had everything she had ever desired or wanted. Ever since he first met Gillian he knew that she wanted a family more than anything. But that had cruelly been taken away from her. And then again when she had met Alec and had tried to adopt Sophie.

He wanted to reach out, to hold her. But he was scared. She looked like a lost child who had just realised she had no idea where she was. He had seen Gillian lost before. But never this helpless. She had always carried hope with her. Was of the opinion that the next day would always be better. But 10 years on and this horror, this sadness, still had a grip over her. He wanted so desperately to release her from it. To let her know that to move forward, she must let go of the past. But he was not one to be preaching about letting go of the past. To say that would just be hypocritical.

He went to speak but paused when he saw her struggling to say something. He rushed to the kitchen and came back with a box of tissues, letting her clean herself up.

'People always wonder why I got into this business. Why I would want to spend my life catching others' lies, analysing their thoughts.'

And then it hit him.

She saw the realisation in his eyes and continued.

'I just couldn't do it again, go through it again. How easy would it have been if I had known how to read facial expressions back then? I could have read his anguish, his pain and stopped it. I vowed to never be in a situation like that again. So I changed my course from journalism to psychology.'

She took a deep breath and he saw her shoulders relax, just slightly.

He spoke, quietly at first.

'You couldn't have stopped it, love. And I know that sounds hypocritical, you've seen me watch that video of my mother thousands of times. But it's true. I need to realise that, and you do too. Sometimes we give all our love and support and it still isn't enough. And I know that isn't fair and doesn't make sense. But neither does life.'

She nodded, and her eyelids began to droop. She was tired, so tired, after the events of the last couple of days, and now this confession. She couldn't fight it anymore. She placed her head on the cushion and felt herself drift off. A pair of hands picked her up and she felt them carry her upstairs, placing her gently on her bed.

***

He watched as she slept, like a baby, in the foetal position. Her chest rose and fell and she shuddered slightly, pulling the doona up closer to her chin. He vowed, at that moment, to do whatever he could to wipe that small, sad expression off her face. He pulled up the chair in the corner of her room and settled in on it. He would stay the night, just to make sure that in the morning she was alright.


	5. Chapter 5

Here is the final chapter of this story. Thanks to all of those who stuck with it throughout. It took a bit of a different direction to what I imagined (well actually i didn't know what direction it was going to take so that probably explains it :) ) but I'm quite happy where it went in the end. So enjoy and remember how much I love reviews (wink wink nudge nudge) :) As usual blah blah don't own Lie to Me blah blah.

***

He woke and scrubbed his hands over his eyes. He knew he was in her room but the surroundings seemed different from last night. His eyes swept across the floor and finally landed on an empty bed. That's what was missing. Gillian. It took a second to register the smell wafting from downstairs. Coffee and toast. He stood up and stretched. That chair really wasn't comfortable at all. He padded down the stairs, eventually reaching the kitchen. Her back was turned away from him but even by her posture he could tell she was feeling better. She turned when she felt a presence in the room. Her smile just reached her eyes before it was gone again.

'Hey.'

He smiled warmly back at her.

'Hey, yourself. How are you feeling this morning?'

She turned away and continued to make the coffee. She wanted to be able to regulate what she said and when she was looking at him she couldn't do that very well.

'Better thanks. I think actual sleep did me some good.'

She paused, knowing she had to say something about last night. She began to speak as she carried the coffee and toast over to the table.

'Listen, I'm sorry about last night...and the last few days. I know in some ways, I did overreact. It's just...' she stopped, unable to go on.

'Just what, love? Just say it. You'll feel better, I promise.'

She took a deep breath and continued.

'Don't take this the wrong way. It's just...that it's always about you. _You_ risking your life, _you_ doing something stupid, _you_ stopping at nothing to uncover the truth. It's tiring trying to look out for you all the time, make sure you're safe. And then the one time I needed to just do something stupid, just be able to not care what others' think and what will happen the next day, you come along and tell me I can't. It infuriates me sometimes Cal. The rules apply to everyone but you. I _needed_ to not be the responsible one for once. I _needed_ to just be able to grieve. But you couldn't let me do that.'

She let out the breath she had been holding the whole time and turned away. She couldn't let him see the tears begin to well in her eyes.

He felt as if he had been punched in the stomach. Multiple times. 'How could he have done this to her?' he thought to himself.

He tried to formulate the right words but again, for the second time in two days, came up blank. 'I guess honesty is the best policy,' he thought.

He reached out to hold her hand, the touch enough to get her to look him in the eye.

'I am..I'm so sorry love. My problem is that I'm often blinded by the truth. Spend so much damn time looking for it, I forget those around me. And that's not fair on anyone, especially you. For someone so good at reading people I sure miss the important things. Want to know something?'

She looked at him closely, curious.

'Last night when I watched you sleep, all I could feel was guilt. How could I have not known about something so significant in your past? We've known each other for years. Have been best friends, partner for years. Gone through the good times, the bad times. Yet I had spent so much of that time thinking about myself that I missed something so vital. Something that was so important to you. Which means that it's important to me. I don't want your forgiveness. I don't even want your acceptance. I just thought you deserved to know that, yes I know I can be a prick most of the time. But I still care and will always be there for you.'

This time she let him see the tears well up in her eyes. But they weren't necessarily tears of sadness. But rather of gratitude, acceptance and even forgiveness. There was however, one last thing she had to confess to him.

She walked into her lounge room and opened the drawer to her cabinet. Picking up a piece of paper inside, she walked over and wordlessly passed it to Cal. On it, an address was written.

He looked up, confused. 'I'm sorry Gill, I don't understand.'

'The day after it all happened, my family held a small ceremony for my baby. This is the address of where she is buried. I've never been able to go visit. But maybe...this year...' she trailed off.

He understood. Standing up he took her hand.

'I would be honoured.'

***

They stood in front of a small grave site, the wind gently blowing through the branches of the trees. She knelt down, placing a bunch of daisies just under the headstone. She stood up, reading it out loud.

_Annabel Rosalind Foster. April 2__nd__ 2000. Our little angel, you never got to spread your wings here on earth, but may you be flying high above._

Her shoulders began to shake but he was here for her this time. He placed a single arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. And as a single tear fell to the earth below, she no longer felt alone.


End file.
